sleep deprivation, wannabe angst

I'm still here, just. The third semi-sleepless night in a row, and this coming after a couple of weeks of difficult nights with the twins (snuffles, coughs etc) now we're into pharyngitis and earache...I think the molars are coming through and by the look of it this sort of teething is pretty nasty. One of my girls will only sleep if she lies on top of me where I can hold her...which is fine, but I get no sleep at all.

One baby went to daycare this morning and the other is with me at home with earache and the blues (she's actually honing her harmonica skills as I type). It's the first time ever the girls have been separated for more than a few minutes...it'll be interesting to see how they handle it...so far so good.

A vicious Mistral blowing this morning, creeping in under the front door, up through the cellar trapdoor, down the chimney...so we're staying warm and snug inside.

I have to say it's postively a breeze looking after just one baby at a time. It's fun. Apart from her being sick of course, but wow, it's even kind of restful.

Haven't written a word for ten days now and feeling bad about it. I have this immense need to do it and yet regularly lose momentum.

I excavated a manuscript I started two years ago and it's not too bad (surprisingly)...I've got a cup of coffee and I'm going to lie on the floor with my baby and watch her play and edit some pages I'm thinking of submitting as an extract/short story. Problem is there's quite a lot of bad language which is vital to the story. Maybe if I can get it published it'll give me the boost I need to continue the other stuff, to get a grip and commit myself to writing every day. It's been eons (sp?) since I had a story published and even those, my inner doubting voices tell me, may have been flukes.

Whatever...I think I need a little pain au chocolat and a nap.... haven't done this sleep deprivation thing since the girls were 6 months old....I'm out of practice....how did I do this every day? for months?

Another lazy post. All I see when I walk around town are potential photographs, too hard to put into words. My brain is obviously in an anti-verbal phase.

Lourdes. Mind-blowingly crass, overwhelmingly sincere. I have never been anywhere where so many people (wandering around with their families, being pushed in ambulatory wheelchair/trolley devices, limping, pouring out of train carriages after 15 hour journeys, hunched over in pain, deposited at the gates by mercedes taxis, hobbling along with canes, small children running to the grotto, elderly groups of Irish led by grey-haired parish priests, African couples grinning, joyful ) were so genuinely happy to be there...

PS: note the cctv cameras and security guards upstairs. i got thrown out of the shop shortly after taking this...

King Ahiram's

Brisbane before it turned into a cappucino theme park....(amongst other photos I don't remember taking)

ydfkgh

Not much to report lately, I've been sick for a week or so with undefined fluey thing, then after indulging in 10 market-van Chinese takeaway steamed prawn dumplings on Wednesday in the hope it would perk me up a bit I have been subjected to certain extra bonus manifestations that I shall spare you from.

Visiting a few of these health websites where you type in your symptoms and get a diagnosis, one message board user (there are people who are actually on these forums all the time reporting back on the progress of their...ailments) replied to a fellow sufferer (who has my symptoms) saying "Oh, dude, you gotta see your doctor, man! we had this in India and way uncool, it's a parasitic subtropical worm, dude! wooooaaahh!"

I'm starting to worry....I keep seeing the word giardia pop up .....it may only be the early stages. Perhaps more red wine will kill it.

I'm going to bed now to finish off the parasitic infestation with a glass of Cotes du Rhone and the last 50 pages of The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen. Apparrently I was the last person on Earth not to know about this book, judging from my internet search results. (I had the same thing happen a few weeks ago when I read the bleak bleak The Road...only to find it's been made into a film...I guess I have mainstream tastes?)

It's very good (The Corrections). Cringeworthy, tender, embarrassing, full of humour. I was reading Anne Patchett The Last Magician at the same time but being much shorter I finished it first but I keep thinking I'm in that book too. There are lots of scenes in small town suburban kitchens in both books...desperado lesbian characters...fridges being opened and closed...rotten siblings...roast chickens and family reunions....I also dreamt about it last night, or was that the thing about Danny DeVito....dunno....

memory's a funny thing

Something I only just remembered....years ago in Brisbane when I was at uni, doing second year Anthropology, I got on the bus back into the city centre. It was idling there at the bus stop, filling up with students, dusk darkening down and we waited patiently for the driver, nowhere to be found, people started looking at their watches and muttering, getting out to smoke cigarrettes, complaining to one another, a group of Chinese exchange students thrown into panic, asking passersby if this was the bus into town and what time did it leave, worrying, consulting timetables, unfolding maps, flicking through dictionaries and finally he arrived, threw down his cigarrette at the open door, hauled himself on board and into the driver's seat.

He sat for a minute motionless, silent (a minute is a long time) then started the engine and we were off, doors still open, the hydraulics hissing and complaining and we were speeding through the carpark, round the corner, half thrown from our seats and he started this monologue "You bastards, you student bastards think you're better than me hey? You're all the same, I'm just a bus driver after all, aren't I? You bastards...think you're better than me, don't y'as?" and he full-on gunned it down the straight bit of the road then the round-a-bout then back again down the straight stretch, all the time screaming and cursing and the bus was going faster and faster until we came to a sharp halt at the bus stop again and he got out, engine still running, and disappeared, and we sat there stunned into stupidity for about 20 minutes until another driver got on (grey-haired, apologetic, barrel-bodied in his blue uniform) and quietly drove us home.

France vs Ireland worldcup qualifier

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear...

Most of France seems to be thinking along the same lines , this morning....

market day

I've been busy this last week-the twins are just about walking and they're well and truly climbing...throwing themselves all over the place. Also discovered Novel Writing Month, two weeks late..I'm trying for 25 000 words by the end of November and maybe...just maybe...50 000 mid December. But I don't want to talk about it too much coz I'm a Serial Starter, and the more I talk about things the less I do them (is anyone else like this??)

Meanwhile, some gratuitous food/market photos...

this is where i read your blogs

it's a thousand year old room at the back of the house...so i have an excuse for the dust...sorry about the mess...I always love to see where other people work from (not that blogging is work, but you know what i mean. where you check email, read other people's blogs, check what time it is for a friend in a far away country, consult the yellow pages, scribble furtive fiction in the wee hours...). it's a nice room. not much light tho. this was taken at night so it's not surprising it's dark, but during the day you still need a light on, really.

we tried one night to work out how many people might have lived in this house over 1000 years...not sure how to count generations and lifetimes and average family sizes. probably quite a few anyway. no bad vibes at all, though, and the cat is happy, and the kids sleep well, so whatever energy is inhabiting these walls, it seems to be good energy....but at the moment it does seem a very long way from breezy wooden queenslanders and verandahs and mango trees...

Datson..Annette...

datson hughes is talented...he makes great music..I mean GREAT music..(oh! the tumpets! i approve of any pop/rock music w trumpets. TRUMPETS ARE THE WAY FORWARD! Just ask hunters and collectors...)

He's good. Not amateur good, not commercial good. just good. he sent me one of his CDs not long ago and i promised to send him something in return and life and children and moving house got in the way. datson I'm sorry!! Annette I love your blog and I yearn for the moment I can have chooks...

I'm blown away by his latest, Starlight

no problems without solutions...

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Just when I was wondering how I'm going to shift the Mt Everest of dirty washing within my lifetime, pay for life insurance and health cover, afford a haircut, stop being mean to my partner and find my life's vocation...this arrives through my letterbox! Hurrah!

Tall black men in robes distribute these in the street in Marseille to passersby...I used to have quite a collection. Apparently once you go you're informed you have an evil curse on you and it's only after several generous injections of cash do they let you off the hook...(reminds me of my internet provider).